and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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