At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
True strength comes from lack of pants
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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