Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
