I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
