me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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