It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just want nice things and good sex
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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