Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
