I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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