I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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