My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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