also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
