how can u be prego again
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize