When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
