he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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