Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
