And the cops told us we were all naked.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
