I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
