My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
