i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
