he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
