We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
