dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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