R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
