you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
