i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i've created a new STD.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
