I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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