I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
