She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
