Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
