My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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