I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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