I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
