its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
