I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize