so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
