wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Barsexuality is the new black.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
