i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
