youre lurking in front of me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
