He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
