it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
