sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
