If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
