Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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