There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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