if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
