she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
