that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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