Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
