I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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