I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
