I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
