Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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