if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
