She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
