youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
