he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
