ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
