Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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