Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
