doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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