nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
