I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
