hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Everyone says I win the strip club
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize