You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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