she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
