I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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