I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
