it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
